Gossip author speaks at annual Women's Alliance event
By Jonathan Rubin
Reprinted from the 11/19/04 issue of The Jewish Voice & Herald

PROVIDENCE — You just heard something that happened to a friend of a friend. It’s really embarrassing; you’re glad it didn’t happen to you. It’s a great story — hilarious. You have to tell someone. So you pick up the phone, ready to spill your guts.

Gossip seems as though it’s both universal and socially permissible… except when they’re talking about you.

“Words are like bullets — once they’re fired, they can never be taken back… and they can kill,” said Lori Palatnik, author of   and speaker at the annual Women’s Alliance campaign event held recently at Temple Emanu-El.

Judaism sees speech as a gift from God, Palatnik said, and every effort should be made to use this power of communication for good. Although men can also gossip, Palatnik said women often get into more trouble because “we talk more than they do. We are communicators.”

Gossip, she said, is like “triple murder” — you are committing a crime against the person you’re speaking about (killing his or her good name), yourself (social suicide), and the person you are speaking to (making him or her an accomplice.)
The guiltiest party of the three is the person who hears the gossip, because “he or she has the most control over the situation.” The listener can stop the conversation right there and, if possible, help the speaker avoid making the mistake again.

“Are you your brother’s keeper? Yes, you are,” she said.

Palatnik has appeared on television nationwide and on the Dr. Laura Schlessinger radio program talking about Lashon Hara, or the “evil tongue.”

She suggested ways to escape gossip: Change the subject, zone out and ignore it, or just walk away if you can.

What if someone is in trouble and needs help? You can find an individual who can assist and tell that person only what’s necessary.

One attendee asked: “What about celebrity gossip, Access Hollywood, People Magazine and all the rest?”

“It’s a slippery slope from talking about Tom [Cruise] and Nicole to talking about your neighbor,” Palatnik said.

“What about telling our spouses?” one woman asked.

Avoid it, she said. “This is one relationship that you want to have value and integrity.”

Attendees were buzzing after the presentation, and several said it changed the way they thought about casual conversation.

“This is something we can all relate to,” said Susan Leach DeBlasio.

The event was also a time for celebration; Mitzi Berkelhammer, campaign chair, announced that the Women’s Alliance has raised more than $881,000 to date, an 8 percent increase from last year.